If you don't have an at least somewhat crude sense of humor, just pass over this.
Pregnancy is a real doosy on the female body. I seem to have lost control of my farts. A few weeks ago, Dave and I were in Eddie Bauer trying to find some slacks he could wear to his new fancy job. I was sitting in the dressing room with him and realized I had to fart. Holding it in right now is not an option-- there's really not enough room for me, baby, AND a fart. So, I proceeded to tell Dave, "I have to fart." We like to give each other warning so we can be prepared for the stench that follows. So nice and proper, don't you think? Anyway, Dave tried to talk me out of it....
Dave: "No, honey. Hold it."
Ash: "I can't."
Dave: "OK, just make it quiet."
Ash: "How?"
Dave: "Shift your weight and let it out slow."
I followed Dave's instructions as he gave them and proceeded to rip a huge, progressively louder fart in the middle of the Eddie Bauer dressing room. Progressively louder because the instant I knew it was audible, I just started laughing and lost all control and just let it rip. I don't remember if it was stinky or not, but we had a good laugh.
For the record, I can generally make my farts quiet. But as I mentioned, pregnancy is a real doosy on the female body.